Hipsters' Sources and The Future of Music

Alicia remarked, after viewing videos of Mr. James Taylor on YouTube, that he seems to be the source of hipster fashion. My illustration agrees.

Also, I was thinking the other day about something, and then I thought about this: what new genres of music that would get me genuinely excited? Although I was sadly never able to recreate the initial thought (a loss to history as great, if not greater, than the burning of the Great Library of Alexandria) this second thought really caught my fancy. So I made a list. Now, this might seem like a joke list, but I truly think that these would be worthwhile. In fact, if I weren't lazy and boring*, I would try to make some of these a reality. But I am. So I'm not. You might though. Then I would love you^. Also, I decided not to give these genres snappy titles, mainly for the same reason that I am not creating said genres (for reasons, see above, if you've already forgotten, ie have Alzheimers. Which is not funny. It is in fact sad. Unless you are young. Then it is ironic. And then it might be funny? No? No.).

MUSICAL GENRES THAT SHOULD BE CREATED SO AS MUSIC CAN HAVE A FUTURE:

1. Grindcore without Distortion: Not only should the distortion be removed, but the guitars should be really tinny and trebly. But the songs should still be like 30 seconds long, the singing should still be that deathgrowl or whateveritisthehell that those people call that vocal thing and the drums should consist only of blast beats. I'll leave it up to the practitioners whether or not songs will still be about serial killers and anarchy (are grindcore songs actually about other things? You decide).

2. Free Country: This stems from a dream I had in which I was the best free jazz electric mandolinist in the world. I didn't play just any mandolins, mind you, only electric ones. It was a pretty rad dream as you can no doubt tell. However, since dream-me has already cornered the free jazz market on this sort of instrumentation, I invite my competition to merely play free country instead. What would that entail? I can only imagine it would entail the best sound in the world. Ever. Actually, this one is pretty poorly thought out, but I am sincere in my desire here.

3. Spectorian Wall of Sound + Krautrock: Ever notice how the best part of Phil Spector productions are the intros and the choruses?Ever notice how the best part of Krautrock is how it repeats things endlessly? What would happen if you melded best parts of both genres together? # 3 on my list, that's what. (If you're having trouble with this one, just imagine the intro to "Baby I Love You" by the Ronettes as played by NEU! If you're having trouble imagining that, then you obviously are not me, and that I can't fix, sorry, but also congratulations).

4. Any Genre + Autoharps: I just really like the way they sound.

5. Minimal Reggaton: I actually probably wouldn't listen to this more than the one time it would take for me to figure out what exactly this one would entail. I really have no idea if it would be awesome or terrible. I'll leave it to the ages to decide.

6. Rockabilly with Tons of Distortion: While the heading might make you think "Oh wait! Thats just punk, idiot!" I actually mean it when I say tons of distortion. Like, so much distortion that the guitar lines are half feedback, half excruciatingly loud sound. Sort of, you know, like what the Jesus and Mary Chain did with the Ronettes but with Gene Vincent instead. Think about how incredible that would be, but only with a few conditions: 1) No leather jackets 2) No ducktails 3) Nothing else retarded. Then it would be totes fuckin gravy.


Well, that's it. I could think of more, but I won't. Alas.

Tenth Entry: Genrified

Footnotes:
*balding
^unlikely

PS: I won't tell your mom if you don't tell your dad.

Cohens and Cetera (Ich bin ein falscher Fuchs eines Mannes!)

Firstly, I simply put up this portrait of Leonard Cohen that I did a while ago because I was too lazy to make a new picture for this post. So, there is actually very little about good olde Lenny in what comes ahead. If you were expecting an excellent essay of mine on the vagaries of the magnificence that is Sr. Cohen, you will be sadly disappointed by what is written below, and should, therefore, perhaps not read it. On the other hand, I think that picture is a pretty good critical analysis of said troubadour, so... you could just look at that picture and make up your own essay based on it. That's actually a really good idea. You should do that. And then send me the essay so I can peruse it thoughtfully while scratching my chin*. I think this is a plan we can all get behind.

Onward to things not-Cohen related:

...


;)
That is my favorite emoticon. Leonard Cohen would not approve (see how I just lied about not talking about him again? I am a devious fox of a man!)

Also, last night Party Band played. We played with other bands. I danced. I will not comment on those bands in a critical manner mainly because the one guy had a really swell shirt that had Our Lady of Guadelupe (a personal obsession of mine) with a witch's face superimposed upon her lower torso/pelvis/legs. It was like the witch was erupting out of Our Lady! I was smitten. Also, I'm not going to name these bands in the off chance that they google^ their own names and thereby do something very bad to me/my family/my massive land holdings in the south of France. Of this I am convinced.

Finally: Thanks y'uns.

Eightish Post: Posted

Also, week in review tomorrow...ish!

NB:

I don't need sources, I speak the dialect.

Эрон Кинней 19:05, 16 November 2005 (UTC)

*This means that I will probably viciously mock it on this blog.

^Blogger, owned by Google, does not recognize this as a word. Conspiracy? You tell me.

Valentine's Day=Tears and Mayonnaise Day

Here is a Valentine to whomever actually reads this. (You gotta click on it, obvs.)

Happy Hallmark Day!


Whatever # Entry This Is=Whatevered

EDIT: I fixed the animation so it can now be enjoyed in all its seizure-inducing greatness.

Two Weeks in Review (and it's in one post!)

Alas, other things get in the way, so I have neglected this blog for two weeks running now. But I will make it up to myself with a TWO week review. Here we go:

KEY TERMS:
1.Falling off of porches: Like you didn't.
2. Yellow cardigan: Like sunshine or angel hair or urine!
3. Tequila + Orange Juice= This
4.Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee: If I had a song on infinite repeat for the rest of my life, it would probably neither be this song nor
5. John Michael Montgomery's Life's a Dance: unless I only lived another week or two. And then everything would be gravy. Delicious, delicious gravy. How come people don't put gravy on more stuff? I can think of very few things that aren't better with gravy. Or gravity. Ever notice how similar those two words are? It's because humankind can only exist if both are a constant presence in one's life*.
6. Nietzsche's attack on realism in The Gay Science: Teehee.
7.
8. Weekends: There have been fewer weekends in recent memory that I have needed more than the last two.
9.


A RUMINATION:
I would rather be a llama than a camel. Llamas are cool. Camels are scary. I'd rather be cool than scary. That's called a syllogism.

INSPIRING QUOTATION OF THE WEEK:

"You'd be surprised at what you can handle"
-Probably me a long time ago, but it's still true.

CONCLUSION:

[Your mom's vagina] was further strengthened by the writers' boldness in successfully tackling controversial issues such as alcoholism, [being fat and ugly, e.g. your mom], homosexuality, [being a whore like your mom, who is a prostitute], and adultery.


Post 7: ...

*Actually, whenever I think of gravy, I think of the KFC variety, and I remember that I don't like gravy very much. Also, without gravity, Key Term 1 would have been a bit more enjoyable. In summation: I've had early- to mid-90's country ruining my life lately and I cry myself to sleep at night because of it.