Tears and Mayonnaise

End of the Months, End of the Year

2010-01-30T14:33:00.003-05:00

Hello folks! I thought I'd just really quickly put my top 2009 albums list on here.
1. Sun Araw- Heavy Deeds
2. Peaking Lights- Imaginary Falcons
3. Harappian Night Recordings- The Glorious Gongs of Hainuwele
4. Cult Ritual- S/t
5. Omar Souleyman- Dabke 2020
6. James Ferraro- Genie Head Gas in the Tower of Dreams "Jesters Midnight Toys"
7. Mi Ami- Watersports
8. Sir Richard Bishop- The Freak of Araby
9. Blues Control- Local Flavor
10. Blue Sabbath Black Cheer- Crows Eat the Eyes From the Leviathans Carcass
11. Caboladies- Atomic Weekender
12. Pukers- Born in the U.S.A.
13. Talk Normal- Sugarland
14. Best Coast- Where the Boys Are
15. Matrix Metals- Flamingo Breeze
16. Nerve City- Hell
17. Implodes- S/t
18. Black Dice- Repo
19. Mouthus- Divisionals
20. Bill Orcutt- A New Way to Pay Old Debts
21. Zola Jesus- The Spoils
22. Raspberry Bulbs- Finally Burst...
23. YOGA- Megafauna
24. Starving Weirdos- Into an Enegry
25. Social Junk- Born Into it
26. Wolf Eyes- Always Wrong
27. Magik Markers- Balf Quarry
28. Super Minerals- Cluster
29. Gary War- Horribles Parade
30. Psychic Ills- Mirror Eye

See, I don't really update on here anymore (clearly) but I've posted my top albums list every year for what...three ? years now, so I figured I might as well.

And also this video:

News and the Olde

2010-01-12T00:52:00.005-05:00

So.

So much.

So much has.

So much has happened since I last wrote in this blog.

I live in a city! A real city, y'know, with people and what-have-you. And I have experiences! But no experience. That's how it goes sometimes.

So, hopefully I will be updating this again (this is because I have no friends). Until then, some things:

Words and the Song of the Summer

2009-07-09T16:30:00.016-04:00

First of all, this is the song of the summer:

Holger Czukay - Cool In The Pool - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Do with that information what you will. Hopefully whatever you do, it will be hot, naughty and/or erotic. And then you will write to me about it. Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh.....

Second of all, I am as surprised as you are, hypothetical reader, that I'm making a new post. But someone (probably me) begged me to make a new post so I am. And the focus is on words.

Word fact #1: This is a word
Word fact #2: This is not a word BUT IT IS.

Mind blown? I know mine is. I also know that MINE IS A WORD ALSO!!!!!!!!

Sorry.

Word fact #3: Saudade is a word in Portugeese is UNTRANSLATABLE except for if you translate it INTO MUSIC. Which is what the Portugays did. After they stopped mattering as a people.

Word fact #3a: Different languages have different words for the same thing. This is because Daniel cut Samson's hair after Jezebel ate Moses' apple in space. Also, dinosaurs were eating melons at this time, I don't know if I mentioned that...

Word fact #3b: Different languages have different words for different things. This is because DOYE.

Word fact #4: Some nerds think that we have a natural capacity for language. They call this Universal Studios Grammar. It 's where parents take their kids instead of Disneyland Grammar as punishment.

Word fact #5: God speaks Arabic. This is pretty obvious.

Word fact #6: A pun is a play on words, which not as fun as a play on wheels.Nor is it as illegal as playing with a child DOWN THERE, which reminds me of a joke I heard:

A man walks into a bar and says, "I am a pedophile." He is promptly arrested and thrown into prison. It turned out, however, that he wasn't the one who was a pedophile; in fact no one in the bar was. It was a (democrat) duck who had foolishly walked into the bar earlier that evening and had returned, seeking vengeance for his earlier injury. The duck used his skill at ventriloquism so that the poor, innocent, white American male would be slandered by the socialist press. After a beneficent judge (NOT AN ACTIVIST ONE WHO WOULD HAVE LOVED IT IF THE DUCK HAD MARRIED A CHILD IN FACT) threw out his conviction, the man granted one interview to the media who had besmirched his good name. Through his tears he admits, "The American justice system is the best in the world. My time in prison was even better than my time in community college." And then he farted.

Word fact #7: Lists of facts are composed of words. They are also boring. FIN.

PS: So this post isn't completely useless, here is a download link to a mix I made. Below is the playlist:

Neil Young "Walk On"
Alhaji K. Frimpong "Kyenkyen Bi Adi Mawu"
Scotty "Believe in Love"
Touty & Absa Cora Group "Palestine"
Omar Souleyman "La Sidounak Sayyada"
Althea & Dorothy "If You Don't Love Jah"
Lifetones "Good Side"
Cabaret Voltaire "Silent Command"
Pylon "Cool"
Throbbing Gristle "Hot on the Heels of Love"

The Birthday Party "The Friend Catcher"
Dum Dum Girls "Catholicked"
Nerve City "Living Wage"
Savage Republic "Film Noir"
Snatch "All I Want"
The Incredible String Band "Blues for the Muse"
Current 93 "Oh Coal Black Smith"
Zola Jesus "Last Day"
Tappa Zukie "Tappa Zukie in Dub"
Tolerance "Voyage au bout de la nuit"

I suggest you think about it as having a Side A and a Side B (divided as shown above). That way it makes it seem like I intentionally broke the flow midway through...

PSS- I hate talking babies.

Animal Videos and Another Useless List

2009-02-26T14:09:00.003-05:00

So.....

...

.....

What's up?

Not much here either I guess...

Well.

Guess I should talk about something now...

Hrm...

I've been listening to Mi Ami's newest album. It's pretty good. Y'know, Black Eyes is one of those bands that I feel didn't/don't get the attention they deserve/d. But, it's nice to have something related to that band out and new and nice and all. I bet it will be a pretty nice show when they come here.

What else?

I've gotten over my Fear of Books (bibliophobia?) and have been reading a bunch of stuff I shoulda read a long time ago. Like Journey to the End of the Night. I gotta agree with M. Jim Morrison (rest in pieces!) on this one. Misanthropy is fun!

I made a version of my favorite albums of all time last night. I guess I'll just post that:

The Fall- Hex Enduction Hour
My Bloody Valentine- Loveless
Public Enemy- It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
The Congos- The Heart of the Congos
Jesus and Mary Chain- Psychocandy
Royal Trux- Twin Infinitives
Rolling Stones- Let It Bleed or Exile on Main Street (couldn't make up my mind...)
Flipper- Album: Generic
Horace Andy- Dance Hall Style
Big Black- Songs About Fucking
NEU! (the first one, although I guess I like 'em all)
Sonny Sharrock- Black Woman
Husker Du- Zen Arcade
Kraftwerk- Trans-Europe Express
Terry Riley- Rainbow in Curved Air
The Slits- Cut
Black Flag- Damaged
Yoko Ono- Plastic Ono Band
Ornette Coleman- Skies of Ameirca or Science Fiction (See what I wrote about the Stones)
Islaja- Palaa Aurikoon
Magik Markers- I Trust My Guitar, Etc.
v/a I Belong to This Band
Nico- Marble Index
David Bowie- Low
The Clash- London Calling
Miles Davis- On the Corner
Pere Ubu- Dub Housing
Gilberto Gil- S/t (the one from 1968)
Sonic Youth- Evol
Amalia Rodrigues- The Art of Amalia Rodrigues
Wolf Eyes- Burned Mind (I would like to insert an apology here to the band for the one time they played here and I just really wanted to touch that gong...)

There are a bunch of artists I love that didn't have one particular album I liked enough to include here (I'm looking at you Black Dice/The Carter Family). Also there are a bunch of comps I was too lazy to go back and add once I remembered them. The list was mostly based on whether I'd liked the album for a super long time and still enjoy listening to it/it changed the way I listened to music. It's also a highly arbitrary list with no real order except the first couple are definite favorites and the last few were sorta tacked on.

Also, I've been watching a lot of YouTube clips of animals playing the piano. Here are my faves:

Reissues (Again) and An Apology

2009-01-08T15:39:00.005-05:00

So, um, sorry to be constantly talking about reissues and what have you lately, but I just saw that Drag City is reissuing the first two Royal Trux albums on vinyl. While this might not mean that much to many people out there, Twin Infinitives is one of my top ten favorite albums of all time ever (a list I've thought about making recently for once), and I've been dreaming of owning it on vinyl a lot (when I'm not dreaming of somehow transforming it into a woman who would love me forever and always amen). Alas, I am poor, sadly. However, after January 20, I will definitely be about $36 (+S&H) poorer. Unless someone buys it for me? Please? Maybe I could set up a webcam and people could watch me for ca$h. Oh, who am I kidding; the world's servers would crash from the increased internet traffic that webcam would cause and I would never make any money.

Here's a video of Royal Trux doing what they do best (being strung-out and awesome):

Also, I am finally watching The Wire like the sad white person I am. It does make me sorta want to move to Baltimore though? Although, to be fair, every time I watch a movie/tv show about a certain city I think "Hm, that place looks pretty all right; I wonder what it's like to live there? I bet it would actually be pretty sweet!" After that, I generally read the Wikipedia article on the city and then try to memorize all the neighborhoods and the crime rates and the demographic figures (Baltimore's population has increased 2% since 2000! I was surprised...) and what have you and then cry because this is what I am doing with my college education. Actually there are a few places I never have this feeling for:
1.Detroit
Thinking of this city reminds me of how I felt when I was a kid watching Sesame Street and Big Bird would do something really dumb and fail and everyone would be really mean to him and I would cry because I too was oversized and misunderstood and wont to make mistakes. Just like Detroit.
2. Africa
Probably due to the racist media, I am afraid of all the murder and tropical heat. Also, under the same criteria, I would place Houston, although not too many movies are set there. I mean, I know Africa isn't a city (it's a country obviously, har har) but every African city I've seen portrayed, from Johannesburg, to Cairo, from Casablanca (fuckin' Nazis everywhere...) to Nairobi, etc. seems pretty terrible.
3. Sydney, Australia
Ever notice that Australians are like the world's version of rednecks but with more hilarious accents and funnier hats? Essentially, they are hillbillies that drink more beer and do less meth. Ergo, it should seem like Sydney should at least be an amusing place. But once the laughter stops, what's left beyond that Opera House thing and a bunch of animals that can kill you in less than 10 minutes? Also, what's the deal with those gigantic eagles they got down there?
4. That city in River's Edge
I guess this applies to most representations of small towns in movies. They remind me of where I grew up, and I don't often need a reminder of that.
5. Every city in China
Except for Hong Kong, doye.
6. Every square inch of the state of Florida
Nothing could ever make me want to move there.

Also, sorry the pictures have gotten lazy lately.

Crosses (Sorta) and Punk

2009-01-07T01:46:00.005-05:00

Sorry to be on a long-term tangent about this sorta stuff (i.e. 80's hardcore-ish musesicks), but to follow up on the Flipper post earlier, I found a Die Kreuzen interview with all these performances on YouTube so I figured I'd post some of the choice ones. Die Kreuzen, for some reason, hasn't really earned as much posthumous praise as bunch of their contemporaries (probably because they got pretty shitty after their first couple of releases...), but I'm glad to have found this evidence to point out the injustice of this willful collective ignorance. (Also, notice how the Kreuzen boys lie about not being violent! PUNK IS VIOLENCE! At least that's what I read somewhere. In a book. Or something).

Also, here's a video of Siege wherein THE LEAD SINGER IS TOO INTENSE FOR THE SOUND SYSTEM TO HANDLE! SO HIS VOCALS JUST SOUND LIKE GROWLY STATIC*! Oh... I understand now... (if only....)

*NB: I know Siege is not technically grindcore, but they're sorta proto-maybe-innovators maybe? Please?

New Years and Bloom

2009-01-02T12:22:00.004-05:00

Well this was certainly unexpected, but greatly appreciated. I do wonder how exactly this interview came to happen? It certainly isn't a coupling I would ever have imagined, but it's a surprisingly interesting interview, although one wonders if Bloom actually knew the context (i.e. Vice) in which he would be presented.

There is something overly reverential in the mode of presentation and questioning here (especially for Vice), but that's probably the only way to get Harold Bloom to talk this candidly and openly (is it just me, or does he seem a little paranoid about his standing in academia?). I have a sort of ambivalent relationship with Bloom anyway: I greatly admire his scholarship, and during that brief era of time people thought of him as part of the Yale School or whatever, his writings were up there with some of the best theorists and critics of all time (along with his colleagues, though I suppose we aren't supposed to like that dirty Nazi Paul de Man anymore, eh?#). But, as his writings increasingly addressed a wider audience (especially The Western Canon etc.) he seems to have diluted a lot of his previous work to a position of the ornery contrarian. And yet, those books are still a good read and very informative in their own way, so there you go. I just never thought I'd see an interview with him in Vice? Rereading it though, it makes more sense, as there is an attempt to present him as some sort of "rebel" (which Vice loves) but Bloom's too loquacious and quick to let the interviewer to present him as such. Oh well, interesting read, even after one gets over the incongruity in its placement.
Also, Happy New Year. Please give me a job.
# I suppose this is the kind of thinking which Bloom opposes in the interview. Kudos me! Also, I think it's about time we started reading de Man again. For serious.

Reissues and Kudos

2008-12-22T11:29:00.005-05:00

So 2008 is almost over, and it was an all right year in some ways, but I just learned something that made it truly great: THEY ARE COMPLETELY REISSUING FLIPPER'S BACK CATALOG ON BOTH CD AND VINYL! So, essentially... good going 2008! Here are some pictures and videos of Flipper to make you as happy as I am:

On an additional music note (ha ha!) I've been listening to the newest Magik Markers releases. It's nice to hear that they're still experimenting after Boss but...I dunno what I think about it yet. Here's a picture to represent my conundrum:

And lastly, I hear that there are some holidays coming up or something, but how should I know? Oh? That's how I should know? My apologies, good sir.

LIST 2008

2008-12-16T18:55:00.001-05:00

TOP 20 OF 2008

1. Excepter- Debt Dept.
2. The Hospitals- Hairdryer Peace
3. 1970's Algerian Proto-Rai Underground
4. Pocahaunted- Island Diamonds
5. Sex Vid- Nests 7"
6. Valerio Cosi- Heavy Electronic Pacific Rock
7. US Girls- Introducing
8. No Age- Nouns
9. Eric Copeland- Alien in a Garbage Dump EP
10. Ryoji Ikeda- Test Pattern
11. The Fall- Imperial Wax Solvent
12. Windy Weber- I Hate People
13. Cult Ritual-2nd EP
14. Emeralds- Solar Bridge
15. Lau Nau- Nukkuu
16. Growing- All the Way
17. Phantom Orchard- Orra
18. The Dead C- Secret Earth
19. Fucked Up- The Chemistry of Modern Life
20. Mary Halvorson Trio- Dragon's Head

Lepers and All the Rest

2008-11-17T14:56:00.003-05:00

Man, I really don't ever update this blog anymore (this is not only an obligatory statement that one who maintains a blog must say at least once in the course of said blog's lifetime, but also the sad truth). I'm not sure why not. Mainly because of this: I don't have anything to say. So I'll just link to a bunch of YouTube videos that I looked at while writing this. Oh also, that picture is me making a leper pretty; I think I did a good job.

The end. Of everything. Ever. So many good videos though!

Crashes and Mix

2008-10-02T10:33:00.008-04:00

This is a very special post because it is the first time I've used Photoshop instead of MS Paint (not something I plan to do often; me 'n the Paint gotz histories, I can't just turn my back on him now...) and because I am actually going to try and edit with HTML^! ZOMG ITZ 2 KEWL! Well, anyway, here is the playlist to a mix that I made the other day because I really don't have much to say.

MY MIX

The Misfits
Where Eagles Dare

The Saints (I'm) Stranded

The Dicks Dicks Hate
the Police

Bikini Kill Rebel Girl

Fang Money Will Roll

Black Flag My War

The Germs Circle One

Void Organized Sports

Big Black Kerosene

Wipers Return of the Rat

Flipper Nothing

Crass Do They Owe Us
a Living?

Reagan Youth New
Aryans

MDC John Wayne Was
a Nazi

Mars Helen Forsdale

Crime San Francisco's
Doomed

Huggy Bear Herjazz

Bad Brains Banned in D.C.

Crucifucks Hinkley Had
a Vision

D.O.A. I Don't Give a Shit

Stick Men with Ray Guns
I'll Kill Mother

Fugazi Repeater

Urinals I'm a Bug $

Necros Conquest for Death

Husker Du Indecision Time

Negative Approach Ready
to Fight

Alternative T.V. You Bastard

Feederz Jesus Entering
from the Rear

Minor Threat Out of Step
(With the World)

Pussy Galore Kill Yourself *

Pere Ubu Final Solution

Fear New York's Alright
If You Like Saxophones

If you guess the theme, you win a hug.

^Please don't judge me for being functionally retarded when it comes to using this...
$Starts at 3 mins, unless you want to reminded why barely anyone talks about 100 Flowers anymore...
*I took especial delight in placing this right after Minor Threat

Musings and Noises

2008-09-18T15:05:00.002-04:00

Quitting is sometimes the best medicine.

Also, what's the deal with:
Glasses?
Baby Boomers?
Sarah Palin?
Balding?
Lower back pain?
Those wasps that lay their eggs in living insects in which the maggots eat host from the inside-out?
The Smiths?

I also quite enjoy the direction Merzbow has taken in the last few years. Who knew that animal activism would make one so adept at using beats?

Also, I'd like to comment that sometimes Outisde Agency is cool, but not when it is uninvited.

That is all.

2008-08-09T20:58:00.000-04:00

OH YOU ROMAN SCAMPS!!!!

The Return and Prince as Theologian

2008-06-24T12:12:00.005-04:00

Yes, yes, all the Rumours you didn't hear are true: I, (vain)gloriously, am making my return to blogging. After a two month absence due to mono/malaise, Mayonnaise (with the Tears mixed in) is making a triumphant return. So, we can all relax now (if that's your thing). Your Lamentations (1:8-10) may now cease, for I have heard your voices crying to me in the wilderness and have decided to grace the world with more posts. Also, it's better than looking for a job.

Right now, I'm preparing a blow-out entry that will be hella awesome, but for now, I'll content myself with an exegetical discussion of "Let's Go Crazy," by Prince. Indeed, a heftier and worthier tome of theological insight cannot be found... from 1984... from a major motion picture... with guitars. It is important!

There are, it seems, three key concept in this song: Afterworld, De-Elevator (which I originally thought was "The Elevator," which might actually be better?) and Carpe Diem.

1. "The Afterworld": As St. Prince says:

life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else
The afterworld

As he continues:

A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night

Actually:

Nevermind.

I will now sum up the argument as follows:
Prince loves Jesus, but he also loves gettin' busy with the ladies.
Now that we got that out of the way let us meditate on a world gone mad. Done? Good. I didn't even try. To meditate. I ain't no pussy. Suckah.

EDIT: This is actually the first post after more than three months. Which, you know, lets you know that it actually took me a month to write the aforementioned. That means it's gotta be good.

Skunks and Art

2008-04-18T13:30:00.004-04:00

Skunks* are fascinating creatures. For example, they can spray their nefarious liquid of evil with high accuracy up to 7 to 15 feet away. That shit's intense! Also, I just learned that Blogger doesn't accept shit's as a word. Weird.
Anyway, skunks/skunxxx are also cool because they are symbol of impossible love of the French cat variety. I always used to wonder why that French ladycat always got into situations where she got lines on her back. It just seems like she would have accepted the fact that God clearly wanted her to be skunk-like and deal with it. Salope stupide!
Also, in retrospect, I think Pepe Le Pew (who, although unnamed, was the actual topic of the previous paragraph) was really an allegory about race relations. Think about it.

Secondly, ART. I really just have been gobsmacked and mindboggled by this Aliza Shvarts thing. I mean, I don't know how so many people bought it as fact (how exactly was she supposed to have ARTificially inseminated herself, for example?) but I'm pleased that it worked out so well for her. It's pretty awesome though, IMHO^. I'm too bored with writing at the moment to really go into this in detail, but I think it was an interesting project, and especially for it to have been a performance piece (not the hoax that the newspapers are calling it) is doubly interesting to me, considering that I as well have a career as a performance artist. Collaboration, perhaps? Maybe? Why you gotta be that way baby? ? WHAT?! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE AMAZING ART WITH ME, ALIZA! WHY DON'T YOU RETURN MY PHONE CALLS ANYMORE I'M SORRY THAT I SAID THAT THING ABOUT YOUR MOM BUT SHE WAS TOTALLY A BITCH TO ME AND I JUST WANTTOSEEYOURSHININGFACEINTHEMORNINGAGAINOHGODILOVEYOUSOMUCH!!!!!!!

aesthetics.

Lastly 8===D---0-:

YOU'VE BEEN TEARSIFIED for the 12th TIME!!!!!!!!!!

*The word skunk is a corruption of an Abenaki name for them, segongw or segonku, which means "one who squirts" in the Algonquian dialect.
^I'M(A)HO

Month Review

2008-03-21T08:51:00.006-04:00

So, yeah, um, I guess I was going to make a week review like three weeks ago or so, and that never happened (blame it on the rain... or Vico and Kierkegaard*...) so I am now just going to do one massive month review thing. THIS'LL BE HUGE!!!!!

KEY TERMS:

1. Finishing theses: I think the mere fact that "theses" always makes me think of "feces" implies that I am probably not intellectual enough to have done this. But guess what, motherfucker?! I DONE DID!
2. Lucky Strike: The cigarette brand that built America.
3. The Young Ones: I don't know why I thought I hated this show for so long. Probably because... well anyway, I like it now. As Hemingway once famously said: "SK is wildly inconsistent. Pass me that Scope, I need to get soaked."
4. Soaked: This is an awesome adjective I invented that means "writes bad novels."
5.Gettin' Wild I'd: While I'm glad to be able to introduce yet another new phrase to the English language, I think this stage of my life is now complete.
6. Not having a car: At first it was charming, now not so much.
7. Striped sweaters: So what if they look bad on me, they are defining my spring with their horizontalness (i.e. how I get with your mom...horizontal....on a bed... ... ... this one needs work)^.
8. Being able to read books again: I'm giddy.
9. Dirty Dancing: You know you should like it, philistine.
10. Chapel Hill: Hometown love!
11. Dear Prudence at Slate.com: Why do I love this so much? I bet if I wrote her and asked her, she would tell me. Maybe it's just because she's a total foxxx (please don't mock me...)

KEY MUSICAL TERMS:
1. Excepter Debt Dept.: I don't understand how this album is so awesome, but it is.
2. Awesome Tapes from Africa: More than lives up to its name. In fact, I'll give them a permanent link on my blog! Hope their server doesn't crash from the massive increase in traffic they're about to receive...
3. Rediscovering 80s Hardcore: Is it obscene for a 22 year-old to enjoy the Dicks, the Necros and the Crucifucks as much as I do?
4. El Guincho Alegranza!: How did I lose interest in this so quickly? Also, who knew that people in Spain made music besides
5. Bernabé de Morón Flamenco España: Best 50 cents I've ever spent. On vinyl. Without that 50 cents being part of a larger sum. Because then I'd've used it towards the purchasing of better things. Maybe. I wish I could do math.
6. Acid Mothers Temple live: Why don't I go to more live shows? Also, how did I miss that part where he threw his guitar up onto the ceiling? That was really stupid of me.
7. Make music with me#.

ALSO:

That's it. See you soon!

MONTH REVIEWED: MENSTRUATED

PS:

* I always thought Kierkegaard was more attractive than this for some reason...
^what I really want is an argyle sweater. that's what dreams are made of.
# Please?

Hipsters' Sources and The Future of Music

2008-02-24T22:11:00.005-05:00

Alicia remarked, after viewing videos of Mr. James Taylor on YouTube, that he seems to be the source of hipster fashion. My illustration agrees.

Also, I was thinking the other day about something, and then I thought about this: what new genres of music that would get me genuinely excited? Although I was sadly never able to recreate the initial thought (a loss to history as great, if not greater, than the burning of the Great Library of Alexandria) this second thought really caught my fancy. So I made a list. Now, this might seem like a joke list, but I truly think that these would be worthwhile. In fact, if I weren't lazy and boring*, I would try to make some of these a reality. But I am. So I'm not. You might though. Then I would love you^. Also, I decided not to give these genres snappy titles, mainly for the same reason that I am not creating said genres (for reasons, see above, if you've already forgotten, ie have Alzheimers. Which is not funny. It is in fact sad. Unless you are young. Then it is ironic. And then it might be funny? No? No.).

MUSICAL GENRES THAT SHOULD BE CREATED SO AS MUSIC CAN HAVE A FUTURE:

1. Grindcore without Distortion: Not only should the distortion be removed, but the guitars should be really tinny and trebly. But the songs should still be like 30 seconds long, the singing should still be that deathgrowl or whateveritisthehell that those people call that vocal thing and the drums should consist only of blast beats. I'll leave it up to the practitioners whether or not songs will still be about serial killers and anarchy (are grindcore songs actually about other things? You decide).

2. Free Country: This stems from a dream I had in which I was the best free jazz electric mandolinist in the world. I didn't play just any mandolins, mind you, only electric ones. It was a pretty rad dream as you can no doubt tell. However, since dream-me has already cornered the free jazz market on this sort of instrumentation, I invite my competition to merely play free country instead. What would that entail? I can only imagine it would entail the best sound in the world. Ever. Actually, this one is pretty poorly thought out, but I am sincere in my desire here.

3. Spectorian Wall of Sound + Krautrock: Ever notice how the best part of Phil Spector productions are the intros and the choruses?Ever notice how the best part of Krautrock is how it repeats things endlessly? What would happen if you melded best parts of both genres together? # 3 on my list, that's what. (If you're having trouble with this one, just imagine the intro to "Baby I Love You" by the Ronettes as played by NEU! If you're having trouble imagining that, then you obviously are not me, and that I can't fix, sorry, but also congratulations).

4. Any Genre + Autoharps: I just really like the way they sound.

5. Minimal Reggaton: I actually probably wouldn't listen to this more than the one time it would take for me to figure out what exactly this one would entail. I really have no idea if it would be awesome or terrible. I'll leave it to the ages to decide.

6. Rockabilly with Tons of Distortion: While the heading might make you think "Oh wait! Thats just punk, idiot!" I actually mean it when I say tons of distortion. Like, so much distortion that the guitar lines are half feedback, half excruciatingly loud sound. Sort of, you know, like what the Jesus and Mary Chain did with the Ronettes but with Gene Vincent instead. Think about how incredible that would be, but only with a few conditions: 1) No leather jackets 2) No ducktails 3) Nothing else retarded. Then it would be totes fuckin gravy.

Well, that's it. I could think of more, but I won't. Alas.

Tenth Entry: Genrified

Footnotes:
*balding
^unlikely

PS: I won't tell your mom if you don't tell your dad.

Cohens and Cetera (Ich bin ein falscher Fuchs eines Mannes!)

2008-02-20T11:54:00.005-05:00

Firstly, I simply put up this portrait of Leonard Cohen that I did a while ago because I was too lazy to make a new picture for this post. So, there is actually very little about good olde Lenny in what comes ahead. If you were expecting an excellent essay of mine on the vagaries of the magnificence that is Sr. Cohen, you will be sadly disappointed by what is written below, and should, therefore, perhaps not read it. On the other hand, I think that picture is a pretty good critical analysis of said troubadour, so... you could just look at that picture and make up your own essay based on it. That's actually a really good idea. You should do that. And then send me the essay so I can peruse it thoughtfully while scratching my chin*. I think this is a plan we can all get behind.

Onward to things not-Cohen related:

...

;)
That is my favorite emoticon. Leonard Cohen would not approve (see how I just lied about not talking about him again? I am a devious fox of a man!)

Also, last night Party Band played. We played with other bands. I danced. I will not comment on those bands in a critical manner mainly because the one guy had a really swell shirt that had Our Lady of Guadelupe (a personal obsession of mine) with a witch's face superimposed upon her lower torso/pelvis/legs. It was like the witch was erupting out of Our Lady! I was smitten. Also, I'm not going to name these bands in the off chance that they google^ their own names and thereby do something very bad to me/my family/my massive land holdings in the south of France. Of this I am convinced.

Finally: Thanks y'uns.

Eightish Post: Posted

Also, week in review tomorrow...ish!

NB:

I don't need sources, I speak the dialect.

Эрон Кинней 19:05, 16 November 2005 (UTC)

*This means that I will probably viciously mock it on this blog.

^Blogger, owned by Google, does not recognize this as a word. Conspiracy? You tell me.

Valentine's Day=Tears and Mayonnaise Day

2008-02-14T20:42:00.004-05:00

Here is a Valentine to whomever actually reads this. (You gotta click on it, obvs.)

Happy Hallmark Day!

Whatever # Entry This Is=Whatevered

EDIT: I fixed the animation so it can now be enjoyed in all its seizure-inducing greatness.

Two Weeks in Review (and it's in one post!)

2008-02-05T19:44:00.001-05:00

Alas, other things get in the way, so I have neglected this blog for two weeks running now. But I will make it up to myself with a TWO week review. Here we go:

KEY TERMS:
1.Falling off of porches: Like you didn't.
2. Yellow cardigan: Like sunshine or angel hair or urine!
3. Tequila + Orange Juice= This
4.Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee: If I had a song on infinite repeat for the rest of my life, it would probably neither be this song nor
5. John Michael Montgomery's Life's a Dance: unless I only lived another week or two. And then everything would be gravy. Delicious, delicious gravy. How come people don't put gravy on more stuff? I can think of very few things that aren't better with gravy. Or gravity. Ever notice how similar those two words are? It's because humankind can only exist if both are a constant presence in one's life*.
6. Nietzsche's attack on realism in The Gay Science: Teehee.
7.
8. Weekends: There have been fewer weekends in recent memory that I have needed more than the last two.
9.

A RUMINATION:
I would rather be a llama than a camel. Llamas are cool. Camels are scary. I'd rather be cool than scary. That's called a syllogism.

INSPIRING QUOTATION OF THE WEEK:

"You'd be surprised at what you can handle"
-Probably me a long time ago, but it's still true.

CONCLUSION:

[Your mom's vagina] was further strengthened by the writers' boldness in successfully tackling controversial issues such as alcoholism, [being fat and ugly, e.g. your mom], homosexuality, [being a whore like your mom, who is a prostitute], and adultery.

Post 7: ...

*Actually, whenever I think of gravy, I think of the KFC variety, and I remember that I don't like gravy very much. Also, without gravity, Key Term 1 would have been a bit more enjoyable. In summation: I've had early- to mid-90's country ruining my life lately and I cry myself to sleep at night because of it.

Multimedia Skeletons and Lies

2008-01-23T15:47:00.000-05:00

What a delightful man! Look at him go! (You have to click on him apparently)

Also, something else.

Sixth Entry: Sixed Up (Sorta)

Man this was a lazy post.

Week Overview I and Careering

2008-01-21T22:56:00.000-05:00

So, I have decided that every week, when I feel like it, I will do a "Week in Review" where I talk about my last week and review it. Ergo the name. This is the first one of these. Let's see how it goes.

SUMMATION OF WEEK'S KEY TERMS:

1. Lost: I watched the first season of this show a lot this week, making this the first time I've ever actually seen it. I've noticed that I'm really good at guessing what happens. This could have to do with the fact that I saw several episodes of Season Two and a few of Season Three. That sort of ruins some things, in a way. But I'm hanging in there.
2.Blectum from Blechdom: According to Last.fm I listened to them the most of any artist last week. I do not remember this. See below.
3. Inebriation: This was an important BUZZ word last week! HAHAHA!
4. The emptiness of existence: See above.
5. The emptiness of sexistence: Still not so sure about this one.
6. Snow: What can I say? It made me happy. I'm a pretty simple person.
7. Gowns Red State: God, this album sucked.
8. Kids in the Hall: Still, improbably, hilarious.
9. Rings Black Habit: I was surprised by how much I liked this album. This is especially true because when they were First Nation they were nauseatingly bad. Also, I think it's evident that First Nation was one of the shittiest band names ever by the fact that Rings actually seems decent in comparison. Somehow.
10. That guy who was completely bent over on Cameron Avenue with a book leaning on his upturned foot apparently reading said book while standing in the middle of the sidewalk: Still haven't figured this one out really. Did he really need to lean the book on his foot to read it? I mean, he looked pretty uncomfortable, with one foot all extended out in front of him, while he was almost completely doubled over. Honestly, at first I thought he might be sick, but then I saw that book resting there on his foot and his eyes steadfastly focused on it. Plus, what book is so great that he absolutely had to read it in the middle of the sidewalk? I can only guess that it was something by Anne McCaffrey. By far the most mysterious thing that I saw all last week. Maybe in the last few months.

TIDBITS: Did you know that tidbit used to be "titbit"? From now on, I'm only using titbit, even though it sounds painful/erotic.

Also, importantly, I've decided this week (i.e. today) that I am now a performance artist. Now I am waiting for a grant. Because that's how it works. I think. So, from now on, whenever anyone asks me what I do (which really doesn't happen that often) I can just say I'm a performance artist because, really, what are they going to do? Ask for my performance artist card? No. Besides, it's true.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTATION*:

"We are excited to announce that Blogger is now available in three more languages: Arabic, Hebrew, and Persian!"
-World peace rules permanently on Blogger now. I am inspired by this quotation.

Next time I'll probably not write about Black Dice. At this point, I'm just going to try and throw in casual references to them in every post or in every post that I remember to do this in. Why am I going to do this? You know why, so don't even bother pretending to ask me.

FIRST WEEK REVIEW: REVIEWED
FOURTH ENTRY: ENTERED

* Yes, I just used quotation instead of quote. No, I don't know if I can live with myself knowing that I have done this. Details upcoming.

Byzantines and Final Judgments

2008-01-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

I would like to start this post off with a rumination on the Byzantines: !
Too bad I don't actually know Greek.
THE END.

In other news, I've decided, based on a four second clip of the beginning of one of their songs, that I hate this band Vampire Weekend*. First, I don't like their name. Second, I didn't like the drum beat in the intro that I heard. Third, people who go to Columbia should not be in bands! That is the domain of other schools! Call me Leagueist (as in, Ivy Leagueist, as in resentful of people who go to better schools than me, as in, etc.) but my (e)valuation still stands. Besides, I trust this judgment because I made it completely without recourse to logic or critical method, and really, that's the only way to make a decision that isn't just lying to yourself. I was going to draw up a list of other things that I hated on impulse but that didn't happen. Obvs.

Looking back over that, that was a little bitter. So, I will know ask that you think about kittens cuddling with otters in a playful environment. Now I feel better too.

That is the Final Judgment of Entry #4.
Also, sorry I didn't talk about Black Dice. That was a teaser.

*What exactly is going on in this picture? Whoever can tell me wins $3.72!

Oh the Laughter of the Children!

2008-01-16T15:54:00.000-05:00

I didn't make a post yesterday because of Schlitz. I shall not make such a mistake again. For there is much on my mind, that must be blogged! But, for now, I will discuss only one of these topics that torment my mind: life and death. It is always such a timely topic of conversation. I think it was Origen, the originator of modern Biblical hermeneutical techniques in the Alexandria of Late Antiquity and a very wise and sage man who first said: "Yes, I know I may be biased [...] but I think it [the question as to what happens when one of us dies] is great [in its profundity]. Now, I know nobody will ever read this comment I am making [for I live in a time of limited literacy], [...]! C'mon Jay[Reynolds, my good friend, who like me, Origen, will someday leave this moral coil], cough up the $35 and put your picture on this thing [so as to achieve some sort of immortality, even if it is only in a pictorial form]!!! Having a hit flick will get you a chick [and sexual intercourse keeps away the fear of death that haunts my life]! Seriously." Seriously.

Also, there is more stuff on my mind. Such as that Fall line that goes "I used to have this thing about Link Wray / I used to play him every Saturday*." Why is that on my mind? Because I was listening to it earlier. Why did I decide to write about it? To understand this, you'd need to read more Origen.

Tomorrow I'm going to write about Black Dice. Or maybe not. I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.

Trinity of Initial Blog Posts: Trinitized.

*The Celtic languages also name this day for Saturn: Irish an Satharn or dia Sathuirn, Scottish Gaelic Disathairne, Welsh dydd Sadwrn, Breton disadorn.'

PS- इ फौंद आउट ठाट इ कैन दो थिस ऎंड इ ऍम राल एक्स्सितेद!

LIST AND MAGIK

2008-01-14T21:56:00.000-05:00

THESE ARE, ACCORDING TO ME AND SCIENCE, THE TOP 20 MUSICAL RELEASES OF LAST YEAR:

1.PANDA BEAR- PERSON PITCH
2.NO AGE- WEIRDO RIPPERS
3.ANIMAL COLLECTIVE- STRAWBERRY JAM
4.ISLAJA- ULUAL YYY
5.RELIGIOUS KNIVES- REMAINS
6.GROUP DOUEH- GUITAR MUSIC OF THE WESTERN SAHARA
7.ERIC COPELAND- HERMAPHRODITE
8.MAGIK MARKERS- BOSS
9.V/A- SKULL DISCO: SOUNDBOY PUNISHMENTS
10.HEALTH- S/T
11.RICARDO VILLALOBOS- FABRIC 36
12.BLUES CONTROL- S/T
13.BLACK DICE- LOAD BLOWN
14.PUMICE- PEBBLES
15.DAN DEACON- SPIDERMAN OF THE RINGS
16.SIX ORGANS OF ADMITTANCE- SHELTER FROM THE ASH
17.M.I.A.- KALA
18.AXOLOTL- MEMORY THEATRE
19.KEMIALLISET YSTAVAT- S/T
20.BURIAL- UNTRUE

ALSO, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO LOOK AT PICTURES OF OWLS. LOOK AT THAT OWL I INCLUDED UP THERE! HIS EYE'S CRAZY! HE'S CRAZY! CRAZY SAGE, THAT IS. HE'S THE ODIN OF OWLS. THAT IS A FACT. BUT NEVERTHELESS I CAN BARELY COMPREHEND THE SHEER MAGNITUDE OF IT (E.G. THE FACT). IMAGINE AN ODIN OWL! IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE, BUT IT CAN BE DONE. IN A WAY.
QUESTION ALPHA: IF YOU COULD BE A COMBINATION OF A GOD AND AN ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I'D BE THE SETH OF RED PANDAS. AS IF I EVEN HAVE TO DEFEND THAT ONE.

SECOND ENTRY: COMPLETE!

Inauguration and Insemination

2008-01-13T22:22:00.000-05:00

What's that you say, transmogrified celebrity? WHAT?! Your mother would be ashamed!

This is the start of my blog. It's going to rock.